As a child in Grade 5, I ended every day in prayer. This practice was taught to me by my Sunday School teachers in the Brethren Chapel I attended in Northern Ontario.
A few years earlier, I had given my heart to Jesus during a Vacation Bible Camp they held, and over the next few years, I memorized Bible verses, participated in “sword drills” to learn the books of the Bible, went to the mid-week kids’ program and developed the practice of daily bedtime prayer.
I really wanted to be a good and faithful follower of Jesus. These experiences of learning the Scriptures and praying have continued to be part of my faith life and I am grateful for them.
But — and there is a but — the theology that grounded these practices had a downside. They believed that to be a good Christian one should obey parents, teachers and others in authority; shun the “world” of modern music, dancing or make-up; always turn the other cheek if others treated us badly; and be diligent in examining one’s life for any sign of sinfulness.
By the time I was in Grade 5, I had learned that Jesus was going to return without any warning to gather His followers to Him, probably in the middle of the night, and that if we had any sin unconfessed to God, we would be left behind.
In practical terms, that meant I spent a good deal of my prayer time at night trying to recall any tiny thing I might have done that would have displeased God. Had I talked back to my mother? Had I done all that my teacher asked of me? Had I been mean to any kids in the playground who were mean to me?
Even after prayer was over, I would sometimes lie in bed worrying that Jesus would return that night and I would be left behind because I was a sinner. It was not good for my soul.
I do not believe that my Sunday School teachers intended for me to be an anxious believer, yet that is what I became. Why? Because they were teaching me, explicitly or not, that what God wanted of me was to follow all God’s rules to my utmost. To do anything less was to fall short and disappoint God or, even worse, sow my own damnation.
They emphasized that good behaviour (“holy living”) was a sign of good faith — which is true — but in such a way that I thought my salvation was dependent on good behaviour — it is not.
Malcolm Guite, an Anglican priest and poet, in his book What Do Christians Believe? writes about three core elements essential to the Christian community: belonging, believing and behaving.
Belonging is that sense that we are not alone but belong to one another and to God.
Believing is the framework for how we understand our relationship to one another and to God through “the pivotal role of Jesus as the meeting place of God and humanity, the person in whom a broken relationship is restored” (Malcolm Guite).
Behaving is realizing that our behaviour has significance now and eternally and that what we do because of what we believe, and in whom we believe, matters.
All three are important, and an imbalance between them leads to unhealthy communities. Belonging at the expense of believing and behaving can become isolated and chauvinistic, confusing the church with our identity, our race or our nation. Believing at the expense of belonging or behaving can lead to rigidity and a fundamentalism that defines all Christians by a shortlist of beliefs approved by a particular group.
Behaving at the expense of belonging or believing can lead to legalism and a focus on being perfect. Belonging, believing and behaving are all necessary and are best served by an understanding of God that is expansive and grace-filled.
All the imbalances can be corrected by a theology that emphasizes a Loving God who seeks to be in relationship with us, welcomes us and all other sinners, forgives us and guides us to live in right relationship with one another.
“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the greatest and first commandment. And a second is like it. You shall love your neighbour as yourself” (Matthew 23:37-39).
If love undergirds our understanding of God, then we are less likely to believe others are not welcomed, forgiven and guided by God as we are. We are also less likely to believe that God would abandon us or refuse to forgive us if we mess up, wander away or have a crisis of faith.
God will always seek us out and offer us redeeming grace again and again and again. Salvation is not easily lost because our salvation rests upon God’s love and grace, which is eternal.
As we consider during and after the Easter season how to share the good news that nothing, not even death, can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus, let us be encouraged that we are followers of the One who continually offers us new life. Then let us remember to lead with love and welcome everyone into Christ’s community of gift and grace.
Rev. Canon Cheryl Toth is an honorary assistant at the Cathedral of St. Paul and Warden to Diocesan Lay Readers.
